Second Chances
by WeeHelenxX
Summary: Jac could get the second chance of life, love and family will she take it? First fic all reviews welcome. Sorry it has taken me forever but I want at least 5 reviews for each chapter!
1. Chapter 1

I do not own any Holby City Characters--------Rated M for Language

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Chapter 1

The sheer shrill was enough to awaken me from my slumber and made me realise today was a new day; I was going to take this chance to change. Be a new person I was no longer going to be a bitch to people, well not as much of a bitch as I am used to being. I had no reason to be angry anymore, I confronted my mother and got to tell her what I have been wishing to say since I was 12 years old and now I feel free. The ringing of my mobile told me I wasn't completely free though I did still have a job to do.

"Hello" the rasping of my throat was a sure sign that I had just woken up.

"Jac listen I know you weren't supposed to be in until tomorrow but is there any way you could come in a little bit earlier it's just I'm completely swamped." Michael, I was grateful for him, if it wasn't for him I would have probably went into septic shock so for that I am grateful.

"Well Good Morning Miss Naylor, how are you? Why I'm fine Mr Spence thanks for asking." My laugh at the end sounded foreign to me.

"Sorry Jac. Things are just a little bit hectic here at the moment." From his tone I could tell he was pissed off to say the least.

"Please Naylor I'll owe you one." His begging made me cave, a little earlier than expected but hey whats a girl to do.

"OK when do you need me?" I could practically heaer him exhale down the phone

"9.30 please. Thank you so much I owe you one cya later" he disconnected as I glanced at the clock, great 30 minuites to get showered, changed and onto Keller. This should be fun.

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Thank you. It's my first fic please review!!! :)


	2. Chapter 2

Yey chapter two score for Helen!!!!! :) Thank you cutehoody( for your review and to SuzzieSidle for adding Second Chances to story alert!!!!!! PEACE OUT

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Chapter 2

As I locked my car and turned on my iPod, I made my way towards my destination also coincidentally where the coffee was located, the sweet nectar that I wish could be hooked up to an IV. As I was walking I couldn't help but wonder what Michael had told people if he had said anything to them, would he make up a story or some excuse as to why my recovery took longer than usual.

People were just finished gossiping about what happened between me and Oliver Valentine at New Year, and the fact that the gossip party aka Donna Jackson had found out that Paula was my mother was not really doing anything to put me at ease.

As I was pondering I had already reached the lift where none other than Joseph Byrne and Elliot Hope were standing deep in discussion about something. Debating whether or not to take the stairs as I was sure they might have heard and not really in the mood to answer any questions, probably by Elliot as it is within his nature to be curious, deciding against it I repeated in my head "smile and grit your teeth", so I straightened my shoulders and walked towards then with what I was trying to project was confidence. It partly helped that I couldn't hear anything around me due to John Mayer currently blasting out of my earphones.

I could see him out of the corner of my eye as I pretended to be looking at my iPod; his expression changed when he saw me from intrigue talking to Elliot who I'm sure was probably talking about a fascinating case, to what looked shockingly like...concern? No it couldn't be could it? This bloody lift had to be the slowest in the history of the world. What on earth was taking it so long shook out of my musing by being pulled into an uncharacteristic and unexpected hug, as my earphones fell out.

"Thank You! Thank you so much! I am screwed it's also Elliot and Mr Byrnes' late day as well and I had to call all of you in." He released my after his mini rant as I caught Joseph eye and saw what looked suspiciously like jealousy. Don't even think like that after what you did to him why on god's green earth would he possibly be jealous.

I heard Elliot say something along the lines of not really wanting a hug but if he was handing them out who was he to refuse. As Elliot and Michael were talking the lift had finally arrived. As we all stepped on, I was increasingly aware of my closeness to Joseph, I could literally feel the warmth radiating off his skin and his breath on my neck. Seriously how many people do they expect to fit on a lift, this was going to be uncomfortable, I could already feel my happy, shiny and optimistic attitude slipping rapidly away.

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All reviews and opinions welcome thank you!!!!! :)


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

After the lift ride from hell in which every inch of my body felt like it was going to explode, that was no different than what usually happens when I'm around Joseph, I walked out of the lift and was vaguely aware of seeing Michael walking out behind me.

"OK now that you are hear I will be in theatre all day, so I am relinquishing control of Keller to you. If you need any help just page Mr Byrne. I got to go but thank you again I owe you one, a huge one" The expression on his face was an amusing one at that with a small smirk to match.

"Yeah I'll keep you to that" As I called to him he turned and winked. He was such a player in was unordinary. Oh my god I can smell coffee and where the bean is that is where I need to be. Opening the door I ran straight into the gossip queen herself Donna Jackson.

"Sorry, I was just looking a cup of coffee..." I trailed off as I realised that she was looking at me weirdly and that her drink was now on the floor and she hadn't even noticed, she was too busy looking at me with an amusing shocked facial expression.

"WHAT?" I snapped involuntary, after all these years it had become like a reflex, and it seemed to work as she took a step backward and picked up her cup.

"Nothing it's just your apologising...it's a strange side to you. I like it, surgery obviously agrees with you. " There was a broad smile on her face that really needed to go.

"Nurse Jackson you are currently standing between me and my first dose of caffeine, and that is really not a place that you want to be." At that her face fell and quickly refilled her cup and left, finally coffee.

I heard a faint "Jac?" from behind me...ok so I nearly had coffee, what does he want, I had just recovered from our last encounter.

"Jac" he repeated eagerly " Thought I would see if your ok" he looked apprehensive.

"I'm fine but thanks for your concern..." I paused and contemplated how to finish. "it means a lot." He let out a breath that he looked like he was holding, he looked nervous, what was wrong.

"What happened?" At that one small question I was stumped, should I tell him? The only person that knows the rough parts of what happened id Michael and I was unsure whether or not I could tell him without breaking down again, like I had done in that all too familiar kitchen and in the theatre that day. We thought we were dying does that still count as a breakdown or could it possibly be a momentary lapse.

"Nothing I'm fine just a little sore from the surgery" I had found my strategy I was going to deny that anything out of the ordinary happened.

"Jac talk to me what happened, Michael Spence wouldn't have just left in the middle of his shift after talking to you for no reason."

A few weeks ago I felt a shift between us, I would never try anything other than friends no matter what my feelings for him are. He was hurt by Faye but she never hurt him as much as I did, or maybe it hurt him more because he loved her, I'm not sure but either way I slept with his father for the advancement of my career. In my eyes that is unforgiveable at least now it is, back then I couldn't see it. He must have sensed my apprehension.

"Jac...why must you constantly push me away." That right there is there is the million pound question. It's all I have ever known, push people away if they get to close. In order for this to go right I had to tell him, explain that I never meant to hurt him at all, and I couldn't do that now it would take too long and we both have a job to do after all.

"Can we not do this now? I will tell you but it really is a long story, one that would not give me time to finish it now." I was silently hoping he said yes.

"Ok sure when do you finish?"

"Eight, I hope" the small smile on my face seemed forced and foreign.

"OK well then how about some food and we can talk over dinner?" The question seemed to hang in the air for a minute and his face looked hopeful.

"Ok, sure I will see you later." As he walked away I couldn't help but feel the slightest bit better. Maybe we can be friends.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

_**I have decided that this is going to be a pretty long fic. At least until people get bored.**_

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All throughout the day I have felt a little nervous, I did not know how tonight with Joseph was going to go but I could already tell that somewhere along the line I was sure to lose it. This day has felt so long and finally at ten minutes to eight Michael told me I could go, not without thanking me again for coming in early. I was in the locker room finishing getting changed out of my scrubs, as Joseph walked in at the exact moment I was buttoning up my shirt and looking a little flustered.

"Oh I'm sorry I should have knocked." I could see the faint blush on his cheeks.

"No it's fine I'm finished, just my shoes and then I can go. Do you just want to follow me?" He looked like he was getting an idea.

"How about you go home and I will stop and get food, what do you feel like?" His amazing lasagne came straight into my head and all of a sudden nothing else sounded nice enough. During my pondering I didn't realise the huge Cheshire like grin on my face, his expression said it all.

"What on earth is going on in that head of yours?" He had a huge grin that was enough to make me go weak at the knees.

"Are you in the mood to cook? All I keep thinking of is the lasagne you made me when we were going out." He just burst out into laughter and I seriously thought I was hallucinating, I don't think I had heard him genuinely laugh in quite a while.

"Why are you laughing at me?" OK now at this point I'm getting paranoid.

"I'm sorry it's just I nearly burned down your flat when I made that." I almost forgot about that.

"Yeah, right I still want lasagne. Please? I have all the ingredients at home." Deciding to lay it on thick I showed him the puppy dog eyes hoping that it would still work the way it used to.

"OK fine...just keep the fire extinguisher handy." He laughed and suddenly I knew, I'm going to tell him what happened and about my childhood. I could trust him.

"Joseph there's something I want you to know first." I exhaled and was about to begin until he cut me off.

"OK well we can talk about it when we get back to your place ok?" I couldn't wait he needed to know.

"No!" He looked taken aback..."I'm sorry I just need to get this out...I want you to know that I never meant to hurt, at all. When I did what I did with your father..."

"Jac you don't have to explain..."

"Yes I do! I push people away when they get too close, and that's who I am. It's who I always have been, no matter how much I try let people in, it's hard and I don't even realise that I'm being a bitch and by the time I want to take it back it's too late. So I want to apologise for what I did to you. I'm sorry and I hope we can be friends lord knows I don't deserve it but I hope we can be friends." I feel like an idiot. He is looking at me with his mouth slightly open and looks like he was about to say something but he looked stumped.

"Jac ...I...I don't....you didn't need to tell me all that. I know who you are and I know that lots of shit has happened to you in your life.." he was just trying to tip me over the edge wasn't he "and no matter what we have done in the past I want you to know that I don't care about your past anymore...you know how I feel about you and everything that I said in theatre that day I meant every word." I was on the verge of crying and he knew it. "We should go; you're still hungry aren't you." He always knew that the key to my heart was through food.

"Yeah we should go."

I'm shaking, literally shaking; I know that I am going to have a long night ahead of me. Glancing in the rear view mirror, I saw Joseph concentrating intensively on driving and the slight movement of his head indicated that he must be listening to music of some sort maybe perhaps on the radio. How do I start to tell him about what happened? Will he ask for specifics questions? I do not know how I got home considering my inner musings; it felt like the quickest journey I had ever had. Taking a deep breath whilst getting out of the car, just as Joseph was pulling in beside me, whilst he parked I found myself going back to that day in the theatre when he told me did I really need to ask him if he loved me...it was an unsure answer, we thought we were dying a declaration of love doesn't count under them circumstances. I mused at how our relationship had changed in the past few weeks, and now were acting like nothing had happened. How can he just move on from what happened? I betrayed him and he was acting as if I wasn't a big deal.

"What's going on in your head Jac? You do realise that you have been staring at my car for the past 5 minutes, the only reason I let you was because you had on a facial expression that was quite amusing...an internal battle in Jac Naylor's head, what I wouldn't give to know what your thinking...are you okay?" I have to get this out. I don't know why I was in such a hurry to tell him what was wrong...maybe it's my conscious. Now or never...looking down at my shoes I began in the only way I know how...straight to the point.

"I wasn't pregnant...Back after we slept together, and you thought I was maybe trying to trick or trap you into something. It was easier for me to let you believe it because in your ayes and everyone else's I was already the villain in the story, the one everyone hated. That was on my part, I was the one who decided to sleep with your father, so that part was on me." Still looking at my shoes, not daring to glance up at him, afraid of what I might see.

"Why didn't you say anything to me sooner? I... at the time...in my head I couldn't put it all together." I could feel him staring at me. "What about the ultrasound photo that Linden found?" Of course he was going to bring up the photo, the ironic coincidence that made it all that more believable. I could feel the cold spread throughout my body that was when I realised that we were still outside having a very intimate conversation.

"Growing up in the system Joseph you meet a lot of different people, but you don't allow yourself to get to close in case you had to move on, then friends make it that bit more harder. A friend that I had met in the last home I was in was Lucy. She was that same age as me so we got out close together and kept in touch through the years, we both don't have any family so we have acted as each others support system. A few weeks before we slept together she found out that she was pregnant and since she has no asked me to be Godmother..I'm sorry I didn't tell you..." he cut me off before I could even finish that thought.

"You did tell me, you told the truth and I just didn't listen. I'm the one who should be apologising to you Jac. I automatically jumped to conclusions and didn't even think...I'm sorry." The genuine sadness in his eyes was enough to make me go weak at the knees again.

"Joseph...its fine I promise just hold that thought until we get inside, its bloody freezing out here." Without giving him a chance to reply I walked away towards the comfort of my home, knowing he was going to have questions, I was trying to mentally prepare myself.

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_**All reviews welcome...sorry it took soooo long my computer was acting up a bit. Hope you liked it if you didnt feel free to give me your honest review. Hopefully will have another chapter up by Sunday.**_


	5. Chapter 5

_***I have added in a small snippet of Joseph's POV, if you don't like it then let it be known so I won't do it again***_

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Chapter 5

Unlocking my front door, I realised I was slowly beginning to get the feeling in my toes back again, knowing full well what was coming; the questions about why I lied to him, and how could I do it. My barrier was slowly slipping away, the one that I had taken me years to perfect, I wasn't too sure if I wanted it to slip or if it was him that I wanted to break through it. As soon as I had set down my bag, keys and jacket on the counter I felt his warm, strong grip on my elbow, I couldn't move or speak...it's like my whole body has been put on freeze mode. The all too familiar feeling I used to get started to engulf me, I still love him and he knows that I do...but... I can't allow myself to get close to him again; I would inevitably hurt him just like I always do. I screwed up and need to move on, I was always contemplating moving on from Holby. So maybe that was the trick that was how he was going to move on, it would be the hardest thing I had to do but it needs to be done. I didn't even realise that I was crying or that he moved from behind me to facing me, until he wiped away a stray tear. I had to stop this soon, I had to leave it was the only way.

"Joseph please don't ok...just don't say anything...I can't do this anymore, being close to you hurts so much and I cant do it anymore...we both need to move on, which is why I'm going to hand in my letter of resignation to Michael in the morning."

He looked shocked, I was taken aback by his voice it had so much passion and he was practically shouting as he gradually made his way away from me, looking like he was going to start a rant.

"Jac, I don't want you to leave, god that is the last thing that I want to happen, all of this moving on nonsense...I will always want you in my life Jac...don't for a second think that I would be better off without you."

His eyes were wild like an animal, at least I was right about the rant. As our eyes met he moved towards me faster than a speeding bullet as I felt my lips moulding to his in what was probably the most amazing kiss I had ever had with Joseph before, demanding and full of passion. The man kissing me is not Joseph Byrne, he kisses soft and gentle not hard and frenzied. He pulled away as I'm sure he was rapidly running out of air, the immediate loss I felt shook me to the core as he walked over to my sofa, probably trying to gather himself just as I was.

"Jac I'm sorry...I...shouldn't have lost it like that...you know how I feel about you don't you? There has always been apart of me that has loved you. I need to know something right now...do you love me Jac? " His eyes shone full of hope.

"Yes, I do. I always have...well as much as I am capable" As I said it he looked relieved. "How much do you know about what happened?" This is what I was dreading all day.

"Not much, Elliot was voicing his suspicions about how much Michael cared about you, he said something was wrong because Michael was calling out you name and you weren't answering."

"OK..." I went and sat down on the sofa beside him, he goes..."I have a sister, a sister who Paula never even mentioned, also my dead grandfather, yeah he's not as dead as he appeared to be, she lied to me the whole time she lied to me, I don't even know why I'm so surprised.

I felt his warm hand cover my own and his cold hand stroking my cheek...warm hands was uncharacteristic for doctor. He pulled me in for another kiss, this one was different, so much like Joseph it was warm, soft and gentle just like they used to be, I wanted him more than ever, he whispered in my ear "I love you." That right there clinched it for me, I kissed him back for god knows how long we were sitting here. I stood up and took his hand and started to walk towards my bedroom, with him trailing behind me like a little puppy, he abruptly stopped me and I found myself getting self conscious and paranoid.

"Jac...I want to ask you something and I really don't want to ruin the mood but I need to know..." oh god what now?

"Was the picture real?" OK I was officially confused he was not making any sense at all. If this was Joseph's version of foreplay I was rapidly becoming concerned as to what Fate had done to him.

"What picture, what are you talking about? I am so confused." Look up bamboozled in the dictionary and you will see my face. His face however looked amused.

"Out of everyone Jac...you choose Oliver Valentine? You'll be getting a reputation for robbing the cradle." He started laughing again. Cocky Bugger.

"Right...that...umm...I call that a...momentary lapse in judgement. Hold on a minute how did you find out?" His smile got even bigger as I said that.

"Jac that picture was sent around the whole hospital, of course I seen it. Does he have a thing for cougars?" He was getting way off track here.

"OK first of all...shut up and B it's none of your business and 3rd I don't really want to talk about Oliver Valentine right now."

I gave him a small peck on the lips hoping he would get the hint and pick up where we left off, grasping his hand, trailing him behind me, I could feel his lips on the back of my neck, teasing and nipping at the tender flesh. Once in my bedroom he spun me around and closing my bedroom door with his foot, I realised he was wearing far too many clothes for my liking. I pushed his suit jacket from his shoulders as we stepped out of shoes. Getting closer to my bed he hit the back of knees on the edge, collapsing and effectively pulling me down with him onto his lap. As I was kissing him my hands were shaking trying to undo the buttons on his shirt, eventually after what felt like a lifetime his shirt now joined his jacket in a heap on my bedroom floor. It wasn't long until we were both stripped down to our underwear. He stopped what he was doing on my neck and looked at me with longing, I wish I could hear inside his head.

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_**Joseph POV**_

It was scaring me how much passion and love I felt for Jac, it only became apparent to me when I saw her this morning in the locker room. I have been pondering my feelings all day and have came to the decision that I loved her. She has changed I have seen a softer side to Jac Naylor ever since her mother came back. I cannot believe she would abandon her daughter again after all this time. Why would she do that? In my head I think I have always loved Jac, my marriage to Faye would never have worked out, we were both in love with different people. No one at the hospital knew we were officially divorced _**(*Faye is not pregnant in this fic she is with Linden now.*)**_ I pulled some strings and I was free of her. Being here in her arms felt right and I am truly glad this is happening.

"I love you" Saying that still felt foreign to me but sounded natural. This is right I know it is I'm going to love her for years to come.

_**Jac POV**_

The feel of his hands all over my body felt so natural, but this is going so fast, technically he is still married to Faye and if this happens then I will have done what I always do use sex to get what I want. That's weird considering it is sex that I want, we need to slow this down, if we don't stop now I don't think I will have the self control to stop later.

"Joseph wait...we need to slow down a little..." I said breaking our kiss. "We can't do this yet, as much as I want to, I...technically your still married and if this happens then it just proves that I am who I always have been." He looked at me with this incredulous look on his face.

"You really have changed haven't you?" he said in a tone I dint quite recognise.

"I would like to think that I have...yeah...I am trying to be a better person." A gave him a warm smile as I kissed him soft but yet full of passion.

"Are you still hungry?" Now that he mentioned it, I was starving "Yeah I am." He stood up just as I moved off him, stealing his shirt he came up behind me wrapping his arms around my waist, I feel more content than I have in a long time. This was the start of something new.

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Yes!Another one done.....i'm a little bit stuck on what should happen next anybody who has anysuggestions please let me know. :) Helen xox


	6. Chapter 6

Hiya Sorry I havn't uploaded in a while I have been swamped with exams and stuff I will try and upload ASAP. I am thiking of starting a Twilight Fic if anyone is interested. Will be a New Moon fic probably what if the cullens don't come back and Bella is a bit of a bad ass. Thanks :) Helen xox

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Chapter 6

Seeing Joseph standing barefoot in my kitchen felt oddly comforting, sitting on my bench watching him clad in only his trousers I couldn't help but get a glimpse of domestic life and the mere thought of that scared the shit out of me. Making a small observation I noticed that he knew his way around my kitchen. I couldn't help but wonder how, when we dated we didn't really spend alot of time at my place it was almost always his.

"How exactly do you know where everything is?" He stopped what he was doing and looked at me.

"You keep things in exactly the same place as you done when we were dating, and I have an amazing memory." He smiled and walked towards me. His hands becoming all to familiar these past few hours and also very addicting. As they rested on my thighs he looked up at me with such warmth in his eyes, I'm sure my face has flushed bright red at his intense gaze.

"How is it you look better in my shirt that I do?" He gave me a small flirty smirk that I was beginning to like very much.

"I'm not sure maybe it likes me better. Have I said thank you for cooking me what is probably going to be the most amazing meal I will ever eat?" The smell was enough to tip me over the edge, his expression turned from flirty to serious; he looked as if he was coming to some sort of an epiphany.

"Your mother went back to India didn't she?" OK why do men always have to put a damper on the mood, the last thing I wanted to do was talk about Paula Burrows.

"Joseph she wasn't my mother OK, a mother takes care of you and looks after you when you're sick, she is there for you when you want to talk about boys or problems...Paula Burrows was not my mother. But to answer your question yes she did, along with my fake sister." He looked confused.

"Jac she is your family do you not even want to get to know her? Did she even know about you? God knows what she was told." I was beginning to get annoyed.

"Look Joseph I don't want to talk about it OK? I told you what happened..." he cut me off just as I was about to move down from the bench, he stopped in front of me, effectively trapping me against it.

"Jac...you told me what happened but you never told me how you felt about it." That just it though I don't know what I am feeling, now everything is as it was again I was alone How do I answer him?

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Please R&R PLEASE...i KNOW IT WAS SHORT BUT YOU WILL GET AN EXTRA LONG ONE NEXT TIME i PROMISE. :)


	7. Chapter 7

I am adding on what I think happened to Jac. Don't shout at me if you don't like it.

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Chapter 7

Taking a deep breath, I was trying to think where to start. "Growing up in the system you learn to activate your fight or flight response really quickly, you learn to keep your mouth shut and ignore certain things that happened. In the system that was normal. When I 12 I didn't really understand what was happening around me all of the bad things around me seemed to be heighted as I got older. I met this boy his name was Lucas, he was American and dangerous and everything I was looking for to forget all of the horrible things I had witnessed and he did make me forget, I was and angry kid Joseph...I got mixed up in drinking, drugs and god knows what else. "He was looking at me with concern, it wasn't pity so that was a relief.

"When I was 16 I got out, I ran off as far away as I possibly could, I stayed with some friends and got a job I worked constantly both in school where I was enrolled and at my job, so I could go to University, I went downhill from there. I was taught that you had to fight dirty in life, to get what you want, no matter who gets hurt in the process, it's programmed in me. I don't know any different. I know people are worse off than me, and I shouldn't even be complaining about my life at least I am here." He was digesting everything I had told him, he got up without saying a word and started fiddling with the dials on the cooker, I have scared him away. "Joseph say something please." He took a deep breath that I don't even think he knew he was holding.

"Why didn't you tell me any of this before? You are still not telling me something Jac. It cannot be that bad." The tone of his voice suggested that I did not have a choice.

"Joseph, don't do this...please." He can't Lucas and Katie, it's not a part of my life I want to get involved in again.

"What aren't you telling me Jac? You can talk to me Jac, please." He was looking at me from the edge of the room. "I need to tell you something Jac. My divorce came through a few weeks ago. And I have never felt better especially now that we are talking again." Fuck it, if he wanted out I could let him now before we went even further.

"I had a daughter." Cue shocked face. He was shocked. "Her name was Katie. There were complications in the pregnancy, she was early. Really early only 27 weeks, and she put up a strong fight but it was too much for her." I was fidgeting. "I haven't told anyone about Katie. It was too hard. I had this little girl in my arms and then she was gone, just like that." He looked at me the way he used to look at me, full of pride and admiration, I love him, I always have. I walked up to him grabbed him by the lapels and kissed him as if both his and my life depended on it. He resisted at first but it wasn't long until he was kissing me back. As he lifted me up I wrapped my legs around his waist, one of his hands was under my shirt the other was resting on the side of my face. I actually forgot how good of a kisser Joseph was, the arm under my shirt began pushing it up and over my head and somehow he had managed to expose me fully as my bra landed on the light above us, he looked at me in the dim light as the frenzy stopped I took my time unbuttoning his shirt as he was leaving a trail of kisses along my neck. Once he was fully naked I looked at him

"Are you sure you want to do this Joseph? Once we do there is no going back." He was stroking his hand on the side of my face.

"Jac I love you...I have never been surer about anything in my entire life." He loved me and spent the whole night and early morning proving it to me.

I woke up the next morning expecting a warm body beside me instead finding Joseph has gone. Oh god, what if he regrets it, getting out of bed I tripped on his shoes ok well he can't have gone very far without them, rounding the corner I see his shirt picking it up and putting it on. Is that coffee I smell and food. I did not get my lasagne last night, I decided to go into the bathroom and try to tame the mass of hair sitting wildly around my head and brushing my teeth. Relishing in the comfort of his smell coming from the shirt, I opted not to change, as I rounded the corner the sound of AC/DC blasting from my headphones , I saw the funniest thing I think I will ever witness in my entire life. There in my kitchen was Joseph cooking what smelled like pancakes and dancing like he was a rock star, it shocks me that he knows the words to Highway to Hell. Deciding to end his slaughter against one on my favourite songs pushed myself up on the bench and gave his ass a slight kick. He jumped nearly a mile in the air.

"SHIT! Jac you scared the life outta me!" a faint blush crept up on his cheeks, "how long were you standing there?" the blush went to an even deeper shade.

"Long enough to tease you mercilessly for the rest of your life." The glare I received was enough to tell myself to shut up. Looking at the clock I realised we had two hours before I needed to be in. "Are you working today?" he placed the pancakes down and nodded, right before kissing me ageing. It was like a domino effect it started us over again, right there on my kitchen table. "I am never going to get any food am I?" All mental thought went out the window as he pressed his lips against my neck, oh sweet Jesus.

After both deciding it was way too early in the relationship to show up together, although I could imagine what the rumour mill would come up with...as I noticed Josephs' car I pulled in a few spots away from him and repeating what I do every morning, inserting my earphones and opting against anything in particular deciding to shuffle the songs, Nickleback...Meh it will do. While I was walking a serious case of Déjà-Vu overcame me when I saw Joseph standing there with none other than his mother...SHIT! What the bloody hell is she doing here? She hated me, well to be fair I did sleep with her husband. Joseph must have seen the shacked and panicked look on my face as he gave me an apologetic smile. I decided to fain interest in my iPod. I saw a mess of blonde hair come flying towards me...no is that? Completely forgetting who was standing behind me I removed my earphones just as Rachel came flying into my legs.

"Rachel sweetie look at you...how on earth did you get so big the last time I saw you, you were a little shrimp now you've grew..." noticing the absence of her mother as I am guessing four year olds do not wander about the hospital by themselves "Rach where's mummy?" at that a small voice came from beside me. "Jackie" lifting up my eyes I saw her...my best friend, the girl who taught me how to French kiss and she alone knows all my secrets and vice versa. If she is here it can't be good, the only thing I can think of as to why she is here...oh shit her cancer.

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Sorry it took me so long to update but it is here finally. Hope you like it. :)


	8. Chapter 8

Thank You for the responses really appreciate it! :) I have started two new fics that I hope you like. One is a Twilight fic and the other is a crossover fic with Holby City and Greys Anatomy! Read them if you want! :)

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Chapter 8

If Natasha is here then I know it's bad news, the last time I saw her was in New York visiting her and Rach. She hates flying so I know she wouldn't get onto the plane without a really good reason. I can feel eyes burning holes in my back, I don't want to turn around and check which of the two Byrne's it was, do what you normally do Jac, ignore and denial.

"Tasha...what are doing here? You hate flying, is everything ok?" By now I know the answer to that question and I wasn't going to like the it. As I stand up Rachel clings to me for dear life, lifting her up I notice the slight bags under Tasha's eyes and the weight loss. "Tasha..." She looked at me with tears in her eyes and then looked at Rachel.

"Auntie Jac we came to see you!" Interrupted by the child, Tasha still hasn't answered me. How could I resist such cuteness with her slight American Accent.

"You did...wow well I wish you would have called so I could have taken the day off to be with the best and cutest little girl in the whole wide world." She gave me a huge smile and detatched from me, thus giving me the oportunity to give my best friend a hug.

"I actually need you in the hospital, I have an appointment later on for some blood tests.I was wondering if we could talk." This woman infront of me is so strong and I can't actually believe this is happening again.

"The tumour is back isn't it?" The way I said that made it sound like a statement rather that a question. Before I could say anymore the lift arrived. "Come up to the locker room and we can talk ok?" she nodded stepping onto the lift followed closely by Joseph and his mother, he gave me a look of confusion...I do not have time to explain this to him.

"It's not operable Jac...I came here to talk about Rach. You are her godmother and I have no one else. If anything were to happen to me I want to know that Rach will be taken care of. I trust you with my life Jac and I trust you with her's after all she is named after you." I cannot believe it has come to this, I don't want to lose my best friend. The ting of the lift indicated we had reached Keller getting off she puts a hand on my wrist just as she has stepped off, this is definately going to attract attention from the staff.

"Jac...I know this is an awkward position but your are like my sister and I love you. You know that..." I decided to cut her off.

"Tasha...lets go into the locker room." I picked up Rach who was currently waffling on about the aeroplane over, sitting her down on the sofa and pouring Tasha a cup of tea, she was figiting with her cup and looking down at her shoes.

"That man in the elevator he couldn't keep his eyes off you..." Typical of her trying to change the subject. "He's cute Jac...not exactly your type but...like I said cute." Why is she stalling?

"Jac..." she paused and looked up at me with tears in her eyes "I'm dying ok...I have accepted that...you know that all I ever wanted was to be a mother, and I don't want my child to grow up the way we did. Look you know what it's like ok...I want better for her." Ilooked at her, nothing but concern in her face.

"Tash...what makes you so sure that I am better for her...you know how screwed up I am..." Any person in their right mind would never leave me with their child.

"Jac...you have saved my life numerous times ok...first with the drugs and then the first time with cancer and now you can save it again by making sure she is looked after. I mean you are her favourite Aunt...I know you are going to love her, cherish and spoil her as if she were your own." She gave me a hug and stood up. "I have to get to my appointment ok and I am sure you have lots of work to do, so give me a call please. Girls Night OK?" I smiled and nodded not trusting my voice.

"Tash..." I stopped her with a hoarse voise. "Do you need a place to stay?" She smiled warmly.

"No I am staying with Eric." Her father for all intents and purposes. "and Aaron." Her brother.

"Is he still...Eric I mean is he..." she cut me off.

"Away with the fairies...yeah." Demensia is a horrible disease for anybody to go through. "He still remembers us though which is a good thing I guess." She walked towards the door. "I love you Jac you know that don't you?" Again not trusting my voice I nodded "Ok Rach give Auntie Jac a hug ok..." As she walked over and held out her hands for me to lift her, at that moment Joseph and his mother walked in.

"Oh I'm sorry we will come back later.." As he retreated Tasha stopped him.

"No really it's ok stay we were just leaving." Turning my attention back to the cutie pie who is the spitting image of her mother.

"Will I see you again Auntie Jac?" She asked with tears threatening to spill over I gave her a big hug.

"Of course you will, how about you and mummy come over on Sunday and we will eat Ice Cream and Pizza and watch some movies, how does that sound?" Her face lit up

"Mummy can we please?" how can anybody say no to such a cute face. Tasha smiled.

"Sure why not?" I gave her a kiss on the forehead and one laus hug to both of them. Standing at the door Tasha pointed at Joseph and mouthed "wow he is hot" and walked out the door with a final wave.

As I collected the cups of the table I couldn't help but glance at Joseph, he had dirty in his eyes.

"Miss Naylor..." Shit what the bloody hell does she want? What the bloody hell have I done to this woman...I mean besides sleep with her husband...ok when I say it like that it sounds really bad. "It seems I have misjudged you?" Yeah whatever...wait what the hell has she been smoking crack or something? I slept with her husband and her son what the hell is there to misjudge?

"Lady Byrne...look I don't mean for this to be rude ok but whatever it is you want to say to me then just say it ok. I am exhausted already and it's only like half 9 OK and to be honest what is there for you to misjudge, Islept with your husband so I don't see how you can misjudge that." I don't have the energy to fight her right now.

"I was wondering if I could speak with you privately?" What the hell?

"Well as much _**Fun **_as that sounds I am going to have to pass...I have rounds with the F1's so excuse me." I said somewhat sarcastically whilst getting my stethescope and walking towards the door this time it was Joseph's voice that stopped me .

"Jac...I am really about your friend." He smiled at me as if to say keep your chin up.

"Thank you...means alot." I smiled and retreated out the door. Ok can someone tell what the hell just happened.

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Please Review I would like to know what you think! All of my reviewers out there thank you really like the response I would like some constructive critisicm. :) Please and thank you's with cookies"!


	9. Chapter 9

I'm sorry that it has took so long...but I have been very sick recently, I hope you enjoy this chapter. :)

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Chapter 9

Going to the gym has always provided me with a safe and reassuring environment in which it gives me an opportunity to let all my frustrations out. Whether it involved me trying to kick the shit out of the punching bag or trying to run for miles to take out my frustrations on the equipment I have in my guest bedroom.

Although tonight nothing seemed to be working for me, all that is running through my head is Tasha and Rachel. She has fought so hard and now it's all going to be taken away from her. Little Rachel left without her mother. Where is the justice in that?

I am her godmother and even if I wasn't her godmother and Tasha asked me to look after her I wouldn't hesitate. Living in the system was excruciating and there is no way I am going to subject that beautiful little girl to that kind of an environment.

I give up...there is no way punching a bag is going to divert my head from the thoughts swirling around my subconscious. How can this be happening to her again? All her life she has been through so much already...why her?

Walking into my kitchen I switched on the radio maybe it can drown out the inner battle I am currently having with myself. Deciding to make macaroni and cheese which was quick and simple I was interrupted by the knocking on my front door, maybe it was Tasha. Turning off the oven and radio I walked over to the door and swung it open greeted with the last person I expected to see.

"Miss Naylor I was wondering if we could talk?" Great...what the fuck is she doing here? The last thing I want to deal with is Josephs mother.

"Look I have a really long day...I am sure that you hate me and I owe you an explaination or something considering everything I put you through but please don't make it be this day...alright because this day that seems to not want to end has kind of sucked for me so please...don't make it today." I went to move away from the door and close it but she slipped on into my apartment as if she had done it a thousand times.

"Miss Naylor..." I decided to cut her off.

"Look if you into my house uninvited and by the looks of your face and the expression etched there we are going to have a serious conversation then that requires you to call me Jac and me to have a very large, very alcoholic drink." God I definately need a drink this is way too much drama for me too deal with. As I poured myself a glass of wine I asked her just to be polite if she wanted one. After claiming to be driving she looked at me with this incredibly serious expression, with a small hint of sympathy and in that one look I can tell what was coming.

"First of all I'm sorry about your friend and the childhood you had...which didn't sound too great to be perfectly honest. I am also sorry for the way I treated you in the past." Seriously is she for real? Who slept with who's husband here. Why the hell is she apologising? And how the hell did she find out about my childhood.

"Look Lady Byrne I respect you...I do...I respect you as a woman and I respect all of the things that you do but most of all Lady Byrne for the way in which you raised Joseph. He is quite an amazing man and thats your doing, but I swear if I ever hear you mention my childhood again, which for the record you were right was pretty shitty I will not hesitate to kick your arse out of my apartment...and I do mean physically kicking your arse." She must have accepted my warning as she had taken a small step back from me.

"At the risk of bodily harm I would like to tell you something...and I want you to promise me something...can you do that?" How am I supposed to promise her something when I don't know what that something is. "Just don't freak out at me ok?" I don't know what is shocking me more, the fact that she is being nice or that she just used the words "freak out" I just nodded for her to continue.

"We all have a past Jac, and after you slept with my husband..." I held in the urge to roll my eyes at her but also a small smidgin of guilt seeped into my body. "I was curious about you...and what made you the way you are." I can't understand is she saying what I think she is saying.

"Wait...hold on are you saying...did you...I don't understand." It is true...I don't have a clue what she is talking about.

"Miss Naylor I know that what I did was wrong looking into your past, but you are royally screwed up...quite possibly more screwed up that I am. I know you had a rough childhood with your father dying and your mother leaving you." I don't want to talk about this not with her.

"Look Lady Byrne I never meant for what happened to happen but I want you to know that I do regret my decision, all of my decisions but please can you get to the point instead of dragging this on." She nodded and in the place of sadness and sympathy her face turned into a cold hard exterior.

"Do you still love my son? Cause if you are going to pursue this relationship again you better mean it." Wow straight to the point...how does she know...at this she must have seen the confusion.

"Jac...he is my son the last time I had seen him so happy was when he was with you. Even when he was with Faye his face never had that lightness about it..." She let out a brief laugh "I know that he loves you...but the question is will you let him" Ok I am now officially freaked out at how much she knows me. She went to put on her coat and was walking towards the door when she stopped abruptly at the photograph of Tasha and I just after she had given birth.

"How long have you known her?" Pointing to the photo.

"Since I was about 17, I went to New York for the summer and we met when I was working in the bar she tended. She had leukeamia when she was a young child and then she found a tumour just after she had Rachel so she had to have a hestorectomy." She looked sad again...not sadness for me but sadness from you.

"I wish there was something I could do I'm sorry. I should get going, I'm glad we had this talk." Without another word she walked out the door. Ok...can someone explain to me what the hell just happened?

Joseph POV

All day the only thing I could think of was Jac...her friend is dying...she is going to be taking a young girl into her home, if I was having trouble wrapping my head around this I can not imagine how Jac is coping. Silently thanking god I had the day off tomorrow. Now I am confused, WHAT THE HELL IS MY MOTHER DOING HERE? Parking my car beside hers I got out...assuming the pissed off look was enough for her to know I meant business she looked at me...is she crying?

"Mother what are you doing here?" Placing her hand on my shoulder with an expression on her face I have never seen before.

"I was talking to Miss Naylor." What the fu...? Alright...WHAT? "Joseph support her through this...she will need you now more than ever." Who is this woman and what the fuck has she done to my mother? As I placed my hand on her forehead she shrugged back.

"Mother are you feeling alright? Jac has never been your favourite person for obvious reasons, why are you pushing me towards her?" She was contemplative for a while but then she looked at me with a genuine smile.

"Because she reminds me of me." What? ok cryptic much? I didn't even realise that she was in her car and driving away bofore I could react to that. Could somebody tell me what the hell just happened?

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Please read and review! I am hoping to get at least 5 reviews before I update! Please let me know!


	10. Chapter 10

Hey Guys I just wanna say a big thank you to all of the people who are following my stories Particularly this one. I love writing this story I have four Chapters all planned out and three already written just needing proofed. Just read a really good Twilight Story if you are interested it is called Sassafrass Junction by VampishVixen...Please read it is brilliant! Anyway on with the story hope you enjoy it.

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Chapter 9

JacPOV

Just as I was just coming to terms with the prospect of Lady Byrne impromtue visit, I had Joseph turn up on my door step. Why is it that the days you want to end the quickest always turn out the longest. I pulled open my door and there he stood in all his gorgeous masculine glory.

"Hi..." He said it with a sad smile and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed beside him and not wake up until all the bad things went away.

"Hi...what are you doing here?" He shrugged his shoulders and walked on into my apartment like he owned the place. "I wanted to see if you were ok after your friends visit?" Oh yeah as if last night wasn't enough soul baring for one day I had to tell him about Tasha aswell.

"I'm fine Joseph...Tasha has been sick before so according to her it has been inevitable for this to happen...she seems as close to fine with it as she is going to get. What_** I **_am not fine about is your mother showing up at my flat for a 'chat', that is not good Joseph. Apparently she was looking into my past she probably knows more about me than you do at the moment." He just pinched the bridge of his nose and let out a breath I didn't even realise he was holding.

"Look Jac...when everything happened with my father she gave me a file, it turns out she wanted to know the woman who had her husband smitten and willing to throw away a lifetime of memories and family for. She gave me a thick file containing information on you..." What the fuck? Is what he saying true? Why did he want me to tell him everything last night if he already knew? He must have noticed the look of outrage on my face as he held up his hand and grabbed hold of my arms.

"But I never read it. It is gathering dust in my Study. I would never ever betray your trust Jac no matter how pissed off I was at you." He pulled me in for a hug that seemed more for his benefit than mine. I want him to know about me...everything...no secrets.

"I want you to read it Joseph...and if you still want to be with me afterward then so be it. If not I will hand my resignation into Michael first thing." He was shocked to say the least and was looking at me in a way that made me self-conscious. Placing his palm on my cheek he lowered his lips and pressed them against me gently but full of passion, it was a kiss I could feel from the tips of my fingers to the bottoms of my toes.

Next thing I know he was lifting me up as I wrapped my legs around his waist his fingertips searing into my hipbones the passion that was flowing between us was electrifying. As I was pressed against the wall he held my wrists above my head against the wall, this was like a scene from a movie and oh god is his performance OSCAR worthy. His teeth nibbled away at my neck and chest as I run my nails through his hair making it stand on end.

"Oh my god...yes...Joseph...don't stop."He grasped my lips again within his and somehow multi-tasked pulling my top off, kissing my senseless and tipping my closer and closer towards the edge. His breathing was just as laboured as mine was and in that moment the whole world disappeared and all in existance was him, me, us joined together. I know we are meant to be together.

It was three weeks, three weeks since that night with his mother and Tasha sudden reappearance in my life, I was happy and content. Joseph was currently sound asleep beside me in the on-call room of the hospital. We were both fully clothed but I could feel the heat eminating from his body into mine. He read the file with a lot of grumbling I might add, he didn't want to read it but through sheer force I made him, and yet after learning about all the horrible things after me filling in the blanks he was still here with me.

He has made me more happy than I thought I could ever be. All I needed was a miracle for Tasha to get better but if the past few weeks had anything to say about it then it didn't look like that was going to happen anytime soon. She had been admitted to Holby after she had a seizure. According to Joseph judging by her test results it's basically a waiting game.

I have never been a religious person but the past few weeks have seriously messed me up in the head...my best friend is dying I mean she is actually dying and there is nothing I can do. How the hell am I supposed to look after a five year old girl? Tasha made it look so easy. Now she was here in a bed waiting to die...where the hell was the fucking Justice in that?

"Stop it...Jac." His eyes were closed so was he sleep talking? "Stop thinking so hard you are giving me a headache." He peeked open his eyes and gave me a huge smile which in turn caused me to smile. He wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled against my neck. "You are thinking too much." He began kissing the back of my neck and pulling me in as tight as he could into him.

"I can't help it Joseph."His fingertips were gently caressing along my hipbone. "She is my best friend Joseph...how am I supposed to do this, raise her daughter?" He seemed to pull me tighter into him which I didn't think was even possible.

"Sweetheart come on why are you doubting yourself?" In all honesty I had no Idea. Tasha trusted me to do this. I can do this in theory but when it comes down to it what if I panic.

"Look you are not going to be by yourself. I can help you...not that I know anymore about kids than you do but seriously try not to stress too much ok." I just nodded against him as he pressed his lips against the side ok my neck.

About ten minutes later a heard a small knock on the door as Penny Valentine poked her head around the corner, seeing as she walked in on Joseph and I in a rather compromising position a few weeks ago seeing us wrapped around each other wasn't a huge shock but she was the only one who knew about us. Too say she was shocked was an understatement, she just quietly assured us our secret was safe and closed the door behind her. Joseph was fast asleep beside me so I untangled myself from him and walked over to her, it was 2.30am...great.

"I'm sorry Miss Naylor I wouldn't have came to get you but your friend was asking where you were." I only nodded and thanked her before she walked out. Putting on my shoes I walked out towards her room and she looked so small in that bed with Rachel lying sleeping in the bed beside her despite the bed they brought in for her as she refused to leave Tasha's side. Rachel was a very smart little girl she knew what was happening with Natasha and said she wanted to spent as much time with her mummy as she can her words exactly.

"Hey girl I thought you went home." I smiled and shook my head.

"No. I was with Joseph and I'm on call, do you want me to..." I pointed at Rachel, she nodded and I lifted her and placed her into her bed. "How are you feeling?" As I took in her appearance her hair was back from her face which emphasised the dark circles under her eyes.

"I'm as well as can be expected. Come lie down with me please." She sounded so breathless as I ,took off my shoes and lay beside her she scooted over so as I could fit onto the small bed and my back was facing the door behind me. "Do you remember Spain? We tried to get that free ride on the bus by hiding in the bathroom." I laughed as she retold the story.

"Then you fell and we both tumbled out onto the aisle right before we got kicked off two hours before we got to Barcelona and we hitchhiked the whole way there." She smiled at me in a way I hadn't seen in a while. "God I missed you these past few years Tash." We were so comfortable with one another she was more like a sister as well as my best friend. I trusted her with my life and vise versa.

"I don't know how to do this without you Tasha." She was shocked without a doubt.

"Come on Jacqueline Rachel Naylor. I know that without a doubt you can do this." She has more faith in me that I did in me. "She likes it when you rub your fingers through her hair when she's falling asleep. She will always ask you to watch T.V before doing her homework but of course all Homework should be done before any T.V." I could only nod as tears were falling from both of our eyes.

"Ok what else I am gonna need all the help I can get." Again with that damn smile.

"Jackie...all you can do is make sure she knows you love her, you just put her to bed like a natural Jac...I have no doubt you will nail it. She is a smart child like scary smart so I want you to make sure she doesn't grow up like us make sure she follows her dreams ok. She told me not to be scared...earlier on, I wasn't allowed to be scared because she knows how sick I am and that she loves me, but that everything will be ok because she has you to look after her." I put my arms around her as she cried so hard that it was hard to watch. Tasha has always been the strong one out of both of us.

"Sshh I got you...I promise I will not let anything happen to your little girl ok...I promise you." Now we were both crying in each other arms which was rather uncharacteristic of me to be perfectly honest. I wasn't sure how long we were lying there just talking about the biggest pile of crap but we both fell asleep. When I woke up it was 5.00am. I looked over at Rachel she looked so content. I shook Tasha but I wasn't getting any response.

"Tasha...Tasha!" Oh my god! No it wasn't supposed to happen this early.I was literally frozen in Shock for I don't know how long until Penny pulled me into a hug...when did it start raining? I have to get out of here. "Dr Valentine...please take Rachel into the Staff Room and keep an eye on her"

I didn't even wait for an answer before walking like a zombie toward the lift. I could hear Joseph, Elliot and Michael call me in the distance...this is all too much. I can't handle this I wasn't sure why I started to run down the stairs and outside into the rain... but I am sure I was crying, between the tears and the rain on my face I crumbled to the ground.

As I fell my knees buckle in front of the hospital in the grass in the rain I felt Josephs arms wrap around me and pull me into him.

"I can't...how am I...I didn't want her to...I can't..." I probably sound like an idiot but she was my best friend who I loved. "I didn't want her to die alone!" He pulled me in closer and kissed me on the forehead, I could see Linden, Faye, Connie, Elliot and Michael standing at the door of the hospital. Great the Ice Queen has finally cracked. The last thing I want was to cause a scene.

"She wasn't alone Jac you were with her." Technically he was right but I was asleep there was so many things I need to ask her. Next thing I know Joseph was picking me up and carrying passed everybody. "Alright everybody this is not reality T.V. Her misfortune is not for your bloody amusement ok." They all seemed to disperse I wasn't sure what was happening around me as I was being a wuss and hiding my face in Joseph soaked shirt. How the Hell am I supposed to tell a five year old her mother is dead?

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Please Read and review! Anyone who does will get a sneak peek at my New Stories I have a Holby City one, Twilight One, Greys Anatomy and Bones. If you dont like any of them then I will give you a sneak peek at Next chapter of Second Chances Take your pick make sure and tell me which one you want in the review! :) Thanks guys I love you!


	11. Chapter 11

Sneak Peek! Hope you Love it!

Hey Guys I wanna thank you for all of the Support for my stories especially this One. I am going away on Holiday to Florida for Christmas with my family and unfortunately will not get any more Chapters uploaded untill the New Year.

I will be returning on January 10th...I hope you all Have A Wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year! Love All you Guys! And Now for your Christmas Pressie a sneek peek at the New Chapter!

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We were sitting in the on-call room from before,my hand gripping onto Joseph looking like such a pathetic mess it was unreal. Giving him credit he was taking it all in his stride considering that I was currently cutting off the blood supply in his fingers with one hand and drawing blood on his shoulders due to my nails gripping onto his back.

"Ssshhhh it's ok I'm right here. I got you baby it's ok." He was rubbing soothing gentle circles on my back. I have never felt so safe in that moment. I must have fell asleep as I was awakened by the little girl who looked so much like her mother. She was sitting on her knees smiling down at me.

"Hey there sweet girl." She lay down beside me and cuddled in as far as she could and wiped away a stray tear I didn't even realise I had shed.

"Don't be sad Auntie Jac. I already know about mommy." I pulled her in and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Are you ok?" She really is five going on fifty.

"I am fine Sweet girl...are you ok?"She only nodded and fell asleep beside me as I ran my fingers through her hair. I could faintly hear the door closing behind me as I felt his hand run down my arm and up over my hip bone which was exposed. He stood and stared at me for about five minutes before it started to feel creepy. "Stop it. You know molesting a sleeping person is a serious offence." I could actually feel him jump slightly, he walked over to the chair at the far end of the room.

"I thought you were asleep." I cracked open my eye and detangled myself from the sleeping girl beside me and went over to where he was sitting on the chair. He grabbed my hand and pulled me down onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. "How are you holding up?" Just him being here made me feel better.

"I'm holding on. It's just hard...I don't know what to say to her." As we both looked over she was the double of Tasha, her eyes, nose, mouth everything it was actually creepy. Joseph pulled me in for a hug and sighed against my neck where his breath tickled me slightly and gave me a warm buzz I hadn't felt in a while.

"Just be there for her Jac, that's all you can do."I know in theory he was right but when it comes down to it she says she understands but she is only five years old. I want to provide her with a stable home but what the hell is the first thing I know about raising a child. "You're thinking too much again Jac. I love you." Everytime he said that I could tell he was telling the truth and that he meant it, his eyes tell the truth. As I lean forward to kiss him we fit perfectly, curve of my hips to his, lips and contours moving in sync.

"I love you too." I rest my forehead on his as his hands wrap around me bringing my body into a bubble that only he can create. It didn't seem that long but soon enough it was daylight and they had taken Tasha's body away to get ready for buriel. Turns out she had everything all planned out already and paid for so all I had to do was make a few phones calls...how morbid is that?

As I walked into her room in the hospital I saw everything lying there. Clothes, Toys and Books. I began packing everything up when I saw an envelope along with a huge binder with loads of papers in it with my name on it in her handwriting. I don't want to read this here, anybody could walk in and see me. I finished packing and walked out to the on call room from before, Rach was sleeping in the bed and Joseph had fell asleep on the chair. After placing the binder on the desk I opened the envelope and read it.

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There Guys Hope you love it! I will be home soon! MERRY CHRISTMAS! :D


	12. Chapter 12

Completed! Sorry for such delay! Please read and review if you love it or hate it!

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Chapter 10

We were sitting in the on-call room from before, my hand gripping onto Joseph looking like such a pathetic mess it was unreal. Giving him credit where credit was due he was taking it all in his stride considering that I was currently cutting off the blood supply in his fingers with one hand and drawing blood on his shoulders due to my nails gripping onto his back.

"Ssshhhh it's ok I'm right here. I got you baby it's ok." He was rubbing soothing gentle circles on my back. I have never felt so safe in that moment. I must have fell asleep as I was awakened by the little girl who looked so much like her mother. She was sitting on her knees smiling down at me.

"Hey there sweet girl." She lay down beside me and cuddled in as far as she could and wiped away a stray tear I didn't even realise I had shed.

"Don't be sad Auntie Jac. I already know about mommy." I pulled her in and gave her a kiss on the forehead. "Are you ok?" She really is five going on fifty.

"I am fine Sweet girl...are you ok?"She only nodded and fell asleep beside me as I ran my fingers through her hair. I could faintly hear the door closing behind me as I felt his hand run down my arm he stood and stared at me for about five minutes before it started to feel creepy. "Stop it. You know molesting a sleeping person is a serious offence." I could actually feel him jump slightly, he walked over to the chair at the far end of the room.

"I thought you were asleep." I cracked open my eye and detangled myself from the sleeping girl beside me and went over to where he was sitting on the chair. He grabbed my hand and pulled me down onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. "How are you holding up?" Just him being here made me feel better.

"I'm holding on. It's just hard...I don't know what to say to her." As we both looked over she was the double of Tasha, her eyes, nose, mouth everything it was actually creepy. Joseph pulled me in for a hug and sighed against my neck where his breath tickled me slightly and gave me a warm buzz I hadn't felt in a while.

"Just be there for her Jac, that's all you can do."I know in theory he was right but when it comes down to it she says she understands but she is only five years old. I want to provide her with a stable home but what the hell is the first thing I know about raising a child. "You're thinking too much again Jac. I love you." Everytime he said that I could tell he was telling the truth and that he meant it, his eyes tell the truth. As I lean forward to kiss him we fit perfectly, curve of my hips to his, lips and contours moving in sync.

"I love you too." I rest my forehead on his as his hands wrap around me bringing my body into a bubble that only he can create. It didn't seem that long but soon enough it was daylight and they had taken Tasha's body away to get ready for buriel. Turns out she had everything all planned out already and paid for so all I had to do was make a few phones calls...how morbid is that?

As I walked into her room in the hospital I saw everything lying there. Clothes, Toys and Books. I began packing everything up when I saw an envelope along with a huge binder with loads of papers in it with my name on it in her handwriting. I don't want to read this here, anybody could walk in and see me. I finished packing and walked out to the on call room from before, Rach was sleeping in the bed and Joseph had fell asleep on the chair. After placing the binder on the desk I opened the envelope and read it.

Hey Girlie,

I know right now you are pissed of and confused but I really need you to listen. The deeds to my apartment in New York is in the folder and all the numbers you will need to sort out my burial. I know this is morbid and totally Hallmark Movie cliche but I want you to know I love you. You were my best friend and the best person to look after my beautiful little girl and if Joseph is the kind of nice guy I know he is I know you will not be alone.

There are papers in the file aswell which tell you information about the account of money I left for you to give to Rachel for college. I want her to go to College she is too smart not too, that is the only thing I want for her...good school, eduction and a happiness. Let her be happy Jac and I will be happy.

My affairs have been set up and I have an account with all my money for her to get when she is old enough and responsible enough to handle it. I love you with all my heart Jac, I want you too be happy too...Joseph is an incredible man I know he is the one fore you. Please be happy and don't greive my death, celebrate my life.

The absence is there physically and it might be crippling at first but I will always be with you. Think of Barcelona and tell my baby girl how much I loved her, tell her of our adventures...minus the whole sleeping around and drugs thing at least until she is older.

Love Always

Your Girl Tash xxx

By the time I got too the end I was crying harder than I ever had in my entire life. God is this my freaking punishment? Catching up on all the years I never shed a tear.

"Hey are you ready to go home?" I don't know what I would have done without him in my life the past couple of weeks. He has been my rock, even now as he presses small kisses to my neck, no one has ever made me feel like he does. He makes me feel like a million bucks.

"Yeah I am. Are you staying?" Ever since we got together again he usually stayed the night but seeing as it would be Rachel first night without her mum. God what if I screw this up, I need to be level headed and in order for that to happen I need to have him near me.

"If you want me." I only smiled and wrap my arms around him.

"I will always want you." He kissed me tenderly but full of Passion.

"That is good, because I will always be around. Why do his kisses always make me feel weak in the knees. As long as he is beside me I will be ok.

It has been a long year after Tasha died, Rachel is now settling in to school again and I am getting my stride back at work, having been a mother to Rachel for a full year it has put things into perspective for me. There is nothing more inportant to me than that little girl.

About six months after Tash died Joseph and I moved in together. We already spent so much time together anyway so we decided what the hell? A year can chance a person...I have the life I never knew I wanted but now I wouldn't change a thing. We are all happy and healthy what more could I want? This is my life I guess people really do get Second Chances.

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That's it finito...but I may write a follow up depending on the demand for it! Love Jac Joseph! J/J FOREVER Please read and review!


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